RBF:

It’s Not You, It’s My Face (Although sometimes it MIGHT be you) 

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get enough airtime in the mom world: Resting B Face. Yep. That thing where your normal expression when you are just chillin' makes you look like you’re silently judging everyone in the room, plotting revenge, or just plain annoyed with life. Spoiler: we’re not. We’re probably thinking about dinner, laundry, or if we remembered to move the wet clothes to the dryer. Again.

But having RBF as a mom and as a woman in general can be kind of isolating. People assume you’re intense. Or unapproachable. I’ve lost count of how many times someone has told me, “I thought you didn’t like me at first,” or “You’re actually really nice!” 

The Problem Isn’t My Face, It’s the Assumptions

Here’s the thing: we don’t get to choose our default expression. Some of us just weren’t blessed with that bubbly, Disney-princess look. Some of us look like Wednesday from The Adams Family and that’s okay. It does make certain things harder. Especially in mom groups, school pickups, or playdate circles where everyone else seems effortlessly warm and chatty. One of the many reasons I avoid them.

It’s frustrating when people don’t give you a chance to open up because they’ve already decided you’re “too intense” or “not friendly.” In reality, you might be shy, or observant, or just tired (because: kids, life). But RBF means you have to work extra hard to prove you’re approachable.

What You Might Not Know About Us RBF Moms

• We’re usually super loyal once you get to know us.

• We’re not judging you. we’re probably judging ourselves.

• We feel awkward in groups, too.

• We want to connect. We just might not be the first to start the conversation.

So, What Can We Do?

Well, first let’s give ourselves a break. We don’t owe the world a big smile all the time. it is perfectly okay to acknowledge that our face might unintentionally put up walls.

I’ve learned to soften my expression when I’m entering a new space. It's not because I need to be fake, but because I genuinely really do want people to feel safe and seen around me.

Let’s Drop the Judgments. All of Them

We talk a lot about not judging moms for how they parent.  Can we also stop judging each other for how we look when we’re thinking? Or tired? Or simply existing?

So, if you’ve ever felt misunderstood because your face doesn’t match your feelings just know I see you. You’re not alone. And no, you don’t need to “smile more.”

Just be yourself. You’re enough

even with your beautifully serious, wonderfully expressive, and intimidating face.